Welcome to the show, Your love of us will grow, We think you ought to know, There are no refunds. We are completely sane, We have no mental strain, We're just here to entertain, We don't do much cocaine. Schiz-o-phriends (repeats) Schizophriends! Don't like to party, Schizophriends! We like caffeine Schizophriends! Play Grand Theft Auto, Schizophriends! And a drum machine! Schizophriends! You think you know us, Schizophriends! Love everything, Schizophriends! You really don't know us, Schizophriends! Hate everything! Schiz-o-phriends (repeats)

Target... Right now... I was in the bathroom cleaning myself I looked around, and there was no soap No soap! x5 We gotta make it to Target! (Target!) We gotta make it to Target right now! (Let's go!) We gotta make it to Target! (Target!) We gotta make it to Target right now! I was in my room changing myself I looked around, and there were no socks No socks! x5 We gotta make it to Target! (Target!) We gotta make it to Target right now! (Let's go!) We gotta make it to Target! (Target!) We gotta make it to Target right now! Woo! *Bridge* On my way to target my car broke down Guess I'll need to buy some spark plugs now Spark plugs! x5

Girl, I know what you're all about Yeah, girl, I got you figured out. You said, you got no time to tease me Yeah you said "I need a giant lizard to please me" I caught him caressing you with his tail Rubbing you with his slick black scales Girl you know I want you to be mine, but You said "I need a lover from the land before time" She got a dinosaur lover (and she don’t care) She got a dinosaur lover (and it’s not fair) She got a dinosaur lover (and I’m not alright) I want a dinosaur lover in the nigh-y-i-y-i-y-ight. Next week she's with a velociraptor. And yeah, I'm pretty sure he tapped her. Every day I see her stroking his feathers I can't stand seeing them together. She told me "I don't date guys without fangs" Because that's the kinda guy that she likes to bang. She told me, she doesn't want no spouse She just wants a lover who's the size of her house. She got a dinosaur lover (and she don’t care) She got a dinosaur lover (and it’s not fair) She got a dinosaur lover (and I’m not alright) I want a dinosaur lover in the nigh-y-i-y-i-y-ight. Brij She told me the sex is always intense cuz when you're 100 million you've got experience She said her favorite partner was the T. Rex Cuz he gave really really really really good sex I never should have given her that time machine The things she does with it are just obscene She says the only downside to lovin' dinosaurs Is that it makes her vagina sore.

[Alex] Yo Evan, you got some pretty sweet hair growin' on that upper lip! [Evan] Uh huh! [Alex] How long you been growin' that shit out man? [Evan] Awwww yeah! [Alex] We're gonna bring about world peace by growin' out our moustaches. UNNNGH YEAHHH [Evan] Aww shit [Alex] OH HO HO [Evan] Fuck yeah! [Alex] Well Evan, let's start this thing off! There's too much fighting in the Gaza Strip, Too much bloodshed in the Middle East. You gotta grow some hair on that upper lip And bring about world peace. [Evan] There's too many starving children, In that Africa place. But you know what'd make them feel real good? To see a moustache on your face! [Alex] We all live in a moustache world! Trade in those nuclear arms for handlebars. We all love in a moustache world! You won't need those AK-47s when you're in moustache heaven. Wow that was pretty FUCKING AMAZING, wasn't it Evan? [Evan] Yeah. [Alex] Hey, check out my upper lip. I've been growing this shit out for a week! [Evan] Aaah. [Alex] It's kinda peach-fuzzy...but, I'm gonna SAVE THE FUCKING WORLD! [Alex and Evan] *mutual orgasm* [Alex] 's go! [Evan] OK! *more orgasm* [Alex] We gotta start caring about one another, Cuz in a perfect world we'd all be moustache brothers. 33,000,000 people have AIDS, So why don't you fuckin' throw away your razor blades? [Evan] I don't mean to cause not big sensation, Just talkin' about my moustache. MOTHERFUCKERRRRRrrrrr [Alex] We all live in a moustache world! Put down those RPGs and get some of THESE! We all live in a moustache world! Get rid of those intercontinental ballistic missiles. [Evan] I said moustache. MOUSTACHE x1000 [Alex and Evan] UNGHHHH YEAHHHH GROW THAT SHIT OUT! x4

Goddamn you half-Japanese girls Do it to me every time Oh, the redhead said you shred the cello And I'm jello, baby You won't talk, won't look, won't think of me I'm the epitome of Public Enemy Why you wanna go and do me like that? Come on down the street and dance with me I'm a lot like you so please Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting I think I'd be good for you And you'd be good for me I asked you to go to the Weezer concert You said you never heard of them How cool is that? So I went to your room and read your diary: "Watching Grunge leg-drop New-Jack through a press table..." And then my heart stopped: "Listening to Cio-Cio San Fall in love all over again." I'm a lot like you so please Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting I think I'd be good for you And you'd be good for me How stupid is it? I can't talk about it I gotta sing about it and make a record of my heart How stupid is it? Won't you give me a minute Just come up to me and say hello to my heart How stupid is it? For all I know you want me too And maybe you just don't know what to do Or maybe you're scared to say: "I'm falling for you" I wish I could get my head out of the sand 'Cause I think we'd make a good team And you would keep my fingernails clean But that's just a stupid dream that I won't realize 'Cause I can't even look in your eyes Without shakin', and I ain't fakin' I'LL BRING HOME THE TURKEY IF YA BRING HOME THE BACON. I'm a lot like you so please Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting I think I'd be good for you And you'd be good for me I'm a lot like you. I'm a lot, and I'm waitin. I think I'd be good for you And you'd be good for me.

The G-Master, of the G-Unit is going to go ahead and give you guys… the procrastination rap G IS IN THE HOUSE! Okay? So, this is THE PROCRASTINATION RAP! Procrastination! Pressing down on you! Guuurrll! Pressing down on me! No homework done, OH my misery! Oh, dang! Yes, Go! Procrastination, it causes delay. In every, every way. In the (aches?) at Edison way. Oh yah! So, don’t be fools! Find the righteous tools! And study now! Don’t be crammin’! Okay? Cuz it’ll cause your brains to be jammmmm! Okay? Procrastination ain’t funny. Until you owe so much money girl. If you flop the AP exam. You’ll wind up askin’! You want fries with that? Boys and Girls? WOOOOOOO! Peace out! Gardiner is in the HOUSE!

Wishful thinking everytime I want a place to rest my lazy head My eyes are bloodshot, woohoo They pass through like ghosts And I can’t feel you Time to look away Look away. I can’t love today Love today I’m as awkward as they come. I like street fighter 3, Dudley is the coolest I like weezer yeah, can’t you tell by this song I like magic the gatherin, if there’s one thing I’m lackin It’s what you want, what you want Now turn away Turn away Leave a message at the beep Maybe I’ll call back. I’m playin an online match Or reading a Trigun manga Stanley Kubrick’s number one If you don’t believe so, fuck you. I’m the Prince of Tennis And I know the square-root of you It’s you and me, you and me You and me, you and me Turn away, turn away Turn away, turn away

I could go off the deep end, I could kill all my best friends. I could follow those stylish trends. and god knows I can make amends. But I've got an angry heart filled with cancer and poppy tarts. If this is how you folks make art, its fucking depressing. And its sad to know that we are not alone and its sad to know there's no honest way out. I'm afraid to leave the house, I'm as timid as a mouse. I'm afraid if I go out I'll outwear my welcome. I am not a courageous man. I dont have any big, lasting plans. I'm too cowardly to take a stand, I want to keep my nose clean. And its sad to know that we are not alone in this, and its said to know there's no honest way out. In this life we lead, we can conquer every thing, if we could just get the braves to get out of bed in the morning. I broke my promise on a very sharp rock And I was possessed by something quite unfriendly And I was haunted by a demon in my sleep That's how I learned how to survive And I gave a beer to a bum that was drinking And I gave some sauce to my bestest friend for cooking And I gave water to all who I thought were thirsty That's how I learned how to survive I gave my money to the bank for safe keeping And I gave my money to my landlord, he was needing it And I gave attention to the TV that was bleeding That's how I learned how to survive I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be A little gambling is fun when you're with me I love it Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun And baby when it's love if its not rough it isn't fun, fun Can't read my Can't read my No he can't read my poker face She's got to love nobody Can't read my Can't read my No he can't read my poker face She's got to love nobody And we totally ripped off some chick named Lady Gaga The greatest artist of our generation And I showed you I could lie through my teeth That's how we learned how to survive And I give a thank you to my father for not raising me And I give a finger to my step father for beating me And I give props to myself for achieving God damn, I'm glad that I survived Holy shit, I am surprised I survived And I just handed you a giant load of gibberish And I give love to a lover quite deserving of it And I give thanks to all of you for listening to the Story of how we learned how to survive.

*chatter about swine flu shots* MAXIUM TEMPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooahOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

“Don't deny my power. I bring light to everyone. Now you will all see that it is I that am truly God. Right before I kick you in your fucking balls.” “flattery will not save your balls from getting pulverized to atoms, fool!” “I crush the balls of man because it destroys their will like a beaten puppie ,and i fuck the vag of women because i am an ultimate man and they need my thrusting agility. i will pound a puss with a turd too.” “chinese people should kick each other in the nuts more often. it's funny when they scream oooooooooooo! real loud” "I am the only master that is. Bow to the Scrotalizer NOW. NOW. NOW." “If you get kicked in the nuts in texas i hear that they electricute your mother because she raised a goddamn pussy” “the bear cowers on the ground and i decend from the skies like zarathustra to kill them both with a galactic frog punch to the bags of balls then i laugh like a pincher bug” “This is an incredible cavalcade of ball destruction and frog punching. I will have you for my pet when i destroy the earth and use the moon as my lunar outhouse my shit is brown so i will change its color” "Prepare your scrote for oblivion" "I am the only master that is. Bow to the Scrotalizer NOW. NOW. NOW." “would like to read a poem here it goes 
there are stars in the sky
 there are stars in her eyes 
 there are ballsacks out there about to pay the price 
when i think of all the stupid rules 
that humans follow like fools 
i stop rhyming in this poem because
 I AM THE SCROTALIZER AND I DON'T HAVE TO RHYME FUCKERS 
so there” “Gaze upon the visage of the one who will destroy you. Welcome my pet from the stars, 
her dulcet tones will explode your balls I have trained her in the ways of destruction You will die now. 
You will all die at her hands She is from a japanese colony on gralzag 7
 The asians have kept her secret
 Prepare for incredible doom.” “No one is fooled by your puerile attempt to malign my character. when you gaze upon the countenance of the scrotalizer, you will understand this. prepare to be destroyed, you impudent fool!” “I know it is the job of all earthlings to love my scratchings. Except for vanilla ice. Fuck that guy.” “it is late at night here on planet earth. the scrotalizer wonders where all these kids came from. they have an unhealthy fascination with the scrotalizer. the women will be saved, and will live forever in the golden light under the scrotalizers kingly gaze, but the men will be
 SCROTALIZED.” "I am the only master that is. Bow to the Scrotalizer NOW. NOW. NOW."

Trekkin' thru the desert to the Mountain of Magic Hoping that day wouldn't end with something tragic This journey happens but once a year Today we would all be Pickle Pioneers Got in half price with a can of coke Now I've only got a twenty, god damn I'm broke We came to see the Aquabats, in the early evening And you know damn well we were all believening ...in the pickle...skypickle Skypickle! Fly away! You will see the light of another day We tried out the brand new Terminator ride It was really good...just kidding, I lied They say that Superman has zero gravity And we all felt the need for some pickle depravity We walked on to the pickle stand Everything was going as planned The pickle cost three damn bucks You could say we didn't give 3 fucks ...about the pickle...skypickle Skypickle! Fly away! You will see the light of another day The ride launched I held the pickle high As it was off on its journey Into the sky...

Everybody’s goin mad Every Sunday of the week Everybody’s lookin rad With their green highlights And you’re not that great When you open your mouth And you’re not that hot When I think aloud Hurry now Hurry now There’s bright lights in the sky Hurry now Hurry now I got four kinds of red I don’t need to explain When I’m on medication I don’t need to breathe When I’m hiding underground And you’re not that great When you open your mouth And you’re not that hot When I think aloud Hurry now Hurry now My head’s on fire laugh out loud Hurry now Hurry now I’m dying in reverse motion

Set my alarm, to wake me at eleven, The sun was shining in my face when I awoken. My mom yelled at me that my friend was here at seven, I just rolled over, prayed that I was dreaming. I knew I wasn't when my dog bit me on my nose. Crawled out of bed, slipped and fell down on my head. I ran downstairs, saw my friend was standing there, Looked in the mirror, saw my hair was everywhere. You talk talk, you talk about the future. How you think that it's funny if they've got no brain. Doesn't matter if they've got no hair. Doesn't matter if they look like yarn Look like yarn look like yarn Alex! I thought we had a deal: You cut your hair and I go out with you. You didn't cut your hair! I'm gonna go out with my grandmother. She's dead, Alex, I'm gonna dig her up and go out with her. Go! I'm outta here! You talk talk, you talk about the future. How you think that it's funny if they've got no brain. Doesn't matter if they've got no hair. Doesn't matter if they look like yarn Look like yarn look like yarn Lalalalala Went back upstairs, and looked into my mirror. In my reflection, I saw it so much clearer. I didn't know, that I was so ugly, If it was dark in Central Park no one would even mug me. You talk talk, you talk about the future. How you think that it's funny if they've got no brain. Doesn't matter if they've got no hair. Doesn't matter if they look like yarn Look like yarn look like yarn

I go in vault 108 from outside It seemed like a nice little place to hide I open some doors, and to my surprise I see a couple of similar guys The vault tec. computer answers my inquiry This place here has a cloning facility I wander back to those curious men Hoping they’ll want to be my friends We’ll share nuka colas, and start our own town Once I get my rad levels down I see their blue suits, and walk down the hall His mouth opens up as he lets out a call The blood on these vault doors made quite me wary Echoed in a dark brown voice he spoke “Gary” *gary* *gaaaary* He came at me with a crudely shaped knife Gary one had a gun and I feared for my life The Gary’s swarmed me like a pack of rats So I pulled out my gun and then entered vats *gary* *gaaaary* I didn’t want to kill you man That didn’t work into my master plan I stare at the pile of bodies and sigh You seemed like a kinda alright guy Why…. *Gary*

[Alex] Summer lovin' had me a blast [Max] Summer lovin' happened so fast [Alex] I met a fembot crazy for me [Max] Met a boy cute as can be [Both] Summer days driftin' away, to uh-oh those summer nights [Everyone] Uh Well-a well-a well-a huh [d00dz] Tell me more, tell me more Did she play any games? [Robots] Tell me more, tell me more does he have a mainframe? [Alex] She flew by me, she shorted out [Max] That foolish human started to shout [Alex] I saved her life, she nearly crashed [Max] When he kissed me, my lights started to flash [Both] Summer sun, something's begun, but uh-oh those summer nights [Everyone] Uh well-a well-a well-a huh [Robots] Tell me more, tell me more Was it love at first sight? [d00dz] Tell me more, tell me more Did she put up a fight? [Everyone] Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh [Alex] We went out, it was worthwhile [Max] We consumed, huge data files [Alex] We made out in R & D [Max] Then we went on a killing spree [Both] Summer fling, don't mean a thing, but uh-oh those summer nights [Everyone] Uh well-a well-a well-a huh [d00dz] Tell me more, tell me more But you don't gotta brag [Robots] Tell me more, tell me more Cuz he sounds like a fag [Everyone] shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop,shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, YEAH [Max] He got friendly, polished my chassis [Alex] The stuff we did, wasn’t too classy [Max] He was sweet, just turned eighteen [Alex] She was one, well built machine [Max] Woah! [Both] Summer heat, boy and girl meet, but uh-oh those summer nights [Everyone] woah, woah, woah [Robots] Tell me more, tell me more Tell me tell me, what’s his I.Q.? [d00dz] Tell me more, tell me more [Evan] did you guys screw? [Max] He turned colder – started to smell [Alex] I said I’ll see you, in robot hell [Max] To let him live, I could not allow [Alex] Wonder who she's killing now [Both] Human brains ripped at the seams, bu-ut oh, those su-ummer nights.... [Everyone] Tell me more, tell me more! TELL ME MOOOOOOOOORE!