.​.​.​Are (The) Shit

by The Schizophriends

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about

Started in Fall 2009, this album combines the creative minds of three men with questionable ethics and musical knowledge.

credits

released July 31, 2010

Evan Ledesma, a film major at USC, first started playing bass at the age of 15. He discovered the wonders of distortion bass at the age of 18. The rest is history, and you can listen to it here.

Alex Mattingly, a Mechanical Engineering major at Cal Poly Pomona, never played any instruments growing up. He really sucked at all of them, so he devoted his life to playing Rock Band drums. Somehow, those awesome skills managed to transfer to the Alesis Percussion Pad he had recently purchased. Listen to his musical journey from zero to acceptable.

Max Symmes, a Chemical Engineering major at UCI, started playing with the Schizophriends on guitar, but soon learned that was a foolish choice and purchased a microKORG and unleashed his true potential. Listen to it... okay?

Schizophriends would firstly like to thank themselves, for being super special awesome. And no one else, except for the following...

The Cosmic Scrotalizer
Billy Mays
Six Flags Magic Mountain
Target
Bethesda
...and Your Mom

The Schizophriends are a part of the Smart Class Records family.
www.smartclassrecords.com

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The Schizophriends Huntington Beach, California

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Track Name: Introducing...The Schizophriends
Welcome to the show,
Your love of us will grow,
We think you ought to know,
There are no refunds.

We are completely sane,
We have no mental strain,
We're just here to entertain,
We don't do much cocaine.

Schiz-o-phriends (repeats)

Schizophriends! Don't like to party,
Schizophriends! We like caffeine
Schizophriends! Play Grand Theft Auto,
Schizophriends! And a drum machine!

Schizophriends! You think you know us,
Schizophriends! Love everything,
Schizophriends! You really don't know us,
Schizophriends! Hate everything!

Schiz-o-phriends (repeats)
Track Name: Gotta Make It To The Target
Target...

Right now...

I was in the bathroom cleaning myself
I looked around, and there was no soap
No soap! x5

We gotta make it to Target! (Target!)
We gotta make it to Target right now! (Let's go!)
We gotta make it to Target! (Target!)
We gotta make it to Target right now!

I was in my room changing myself
I looked around, and there were no socks
No socks! x5

We gotta make it to Target! (Target!)
We gotta make it to Target right now! (Let's go!)
We gotta make it to Target! (Target!)
We gotta make it to Target right now!
Woo!

*Bridge*

On my way to target my car broke down
Guess I'll need to buy some spark plugs now
Spark plugs! x5
Track Name: The Dinosaur Lover
Girl, I know what you're all about
Yeah, girl, I got you figured out.
You said, you got no time to tease me
Yeah you said "I need a giant lizard to please me"

I caught him caressing you with his tail
Rubbing you with his slick black scales
Girl you know I want you to be mine, but
You said "I need a lover from the land before time"

She got a dinosaur lover (and she don’t care)
She got a dinosaur lover (and it’s not fair)
She got a dinosaur lover (and I’m not alright)
I want a dinosaur lover in the nigh-y-i-y-i-y-ight.

Next week she's with a velociraptor.
And yeah, I'm pretty sure he tapped her.
Every day I see her stroking his feathers
I can't stand seeing them together.

She told me "I don't date guys without fangs"
Because that's the kinda guy that she likes to bang.
She told me, she doesn't want no spouse
She just wants a lover who's the size of her house.

She got a dinosaur lover (and she don’t care)
She got a dinosaur lover (and it’s not fair)
She got a dinosaur lover (and I’m not alright)
I want a dinosaur lover in the nigh-y-i-y-i-y-ight.

Brij

She told me the sex is always intense
cuz when you're 100 million you've got experience
She said her favorite partner was the T. Rex
Cuz he gave really really really really good sex

I never should have given her that time machine
The things she does with it are just obscene
She says the only downside to lovin' dinosaurs
Is that it makes her vagina sore.
Track Name: The Moustache World
[Alex]
Yo Evan, you got some pretty sweet hair growin' on that upper lip!

[Evan]
Uh huh!

[Alex]
How long you been growin' that shit out man?

[Evan]
Awwww yeah!

[Alex]
We're gonna bring about world peace by growin' out our moustaches. UNNNGH YEAHHH

[Evan]
Aww shit

[Alex]
OH HO HO

[Evan]
Fuck yeah!

[Alex]
Well Evan, let's start this thing off!
There's too much fighting in the Gaza Strip,
Too much bloodshed in the Middle East.
You gotta grow some hair on that upper lip
And bring about world peace.

[Evan]
There's too many starving children,
In that Africa place.
But you know what'd make them feel real good?
To see a moustache on your face!

[Alex]
We all live in a moustache world!
Trade in those nuclear arms for handlebars.
We all love in a moustache world!
You won't need those AK-47s when you're in moustache heaven.

Wow that was pretty FUCKING AMAZING, wasn't it Evan?

[Evan]
Yeah.

[Alex]
Hey, check out my upper lip. I've been growing this shit out for a week!

[Evan]
Aaah.

[Alex]
It's kinda peach-fuzzy...but, I'm gonna SAVE THE FUCKING WORLD!

[Alex and Evan]
*mutual orgasm*

[Alex]
's go!

[Evan]
OK!
*more orgasm*

[Alex]
We gotta start caring about one another,
Cuz in a perfect world we'd all be moustache brothers.
33,000,000 people have AIDS,
So why don't you fuckin' throw away your razor blades?

[Evan]
I don't mean to cause not big sensation,
Just talkin' about my moustache.
MOTHERFUCKERRRRRrrrrr

[Alex]
We all live in a moustache world!
Put down those RPGs and get some of THESE!
We all live in a moustache world!
Get rid of those intercontinental ballistic missiles.

[Evan]
I said moustache.

MOUSTACHE x1000

[Alex and Evan]
UNGHHHH YEAHHHH GROW THAT SHIT OUT! x4
Track Name: Thel Scorcho
Goddamn you half-Japanese girls
Do it to me every time
Oh, the redhead said you shred the cello
And I'm jello, baby
You won't talk, won't look, won't think of me
I'm the epitome of Public Enemy
Why you wanna go and do me like that?
Come on down the street and dance with me

I'm a lot like you so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me

I asked you to go to the Weezer concert
You said you never heard of them
How cool is that?
So I went to your room and read your diary:
"Watching Grunge leg-drop New-Jack through a press table..."
And then my heart stopped: "Listening to Cio-Cio San
Fall in love all over again."

I'm a lot like you so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me

How stupid is it? I can't talk about it
I gotta sing about it and make a record of my heart
How stupid is it? Won't you give me a minute
Just come up to me and say hello to my heart
How stupid is it?
For all I know you want me too
And maybe you just don't know what to do
Or maybe you're scared to say: "I'm falling for you"

I wish I could get my head out of the sand
'Cause I think we'd make a good team
And you would keep my fingernails clean
But that's just a stupid dream that I won't realize
'Cause I can't even look in your eyes
Without shakin', and I ain't fakin'

I'LL BRING HOME THE TURKEY IF YA BRING HOME THE BACON.

I'm a lot like you so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me

I'm a lot like you.
I'm a lot, and I'm waitin.
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me.
Track Name: The Procrastination Rap
The G-Master, of the G-Unit is going to go ahead and give you guys… the procrastination rap

G IS IN THE HOUSE! Okay? So, this is THE PROCRASTINATION RAP!

Procrastination! Pressing down on you! Guuurrll!

Pressing down on me!

No homework done, OH my misery! Oh, dang! Yes, Go!

Procrastination, it causes delay.

In every, every way.

In the (aches?) at Edison way. Oh yah!

So, don’t be fools!

Find the righteous tools!

And study now!

Don’t be crammin’! Okay?

Cuz it’ll cause your brains to be jammmmm! Okay?

Procrastination ain’t funny.

Until you owe so much money girl.

If you flop the AP exam.

You’ll wind up askin’!

You want fries with that? Boys and Girls?

WOOOOOOO!

Peace out! Gardiner is in the HOUSE!
Track Name: The Nerd Song
Wishful thinking everytime
I want a place to rest
my lazy head
My eyes are bloodshot, woohoo
They pass through like ghosts
And I can’t feel you

Time to look away
Look away.
I can’t love today
Love today
I’m as awkward as they come.

I like street fighter 3, Dudley is the coolest
I like weezer yeah, can’t you tell by this song
I like magic the gatherin, if there’s one thing I’m lackin
It’s what you want, what you want

Now turn away
Turn away

Leave a message at the beep
Maybe I’ll call back.
I’m playin an online match
Or reading a Trigun manga

Stanley Kubrick’s number one
If you don’t believe so, fuck you.
I’m the Prince of Tennis
And I know the square-root of you

It’s you and me, you and me
You and me, you and me

Turn away, turn away
Turn away, turn away
Track Name: The Brave As A Noun/Survival Song
I could go off the deep end,
I could kill all my best friends.
I could follow those stylish trends.
and god knows I can make amends.
But I've got an angry heart filled with cancer and poppy tarts.
If this is how you folks make art, its fucking depressing.

And its sad to know that we are not alone and its sad to know there's no honest way out.

I'm afraid to leave the house,
I'm as timid as a mouse.
I'm afraid if I go out I'll outwear my welcome.
I am not a courageous man.
I dont have any big, lasting plans.
I'm too cowardly to take a stand, I want to keep my nose clean.

And its sad to know that we are not alone in this, and its said to know there's no honest way out.

In this life we lead, we can conquer every thing, if we could just get the braves to get out of bed in the morning.

I broke my promise on a very sharp rock
And I was possessed by something quite unfriendly
And I was haunted by a demon in my sleep
That's how I learned how to survive

And I gave a beer to a bum that was drinking
And I gave some sauce to my bestest friend for cooking
And I gave water to all who I thought were thirsty
That's how I learned how to survive

I gave my money to the bank for safe keeping
And I gave my money to my landlord, he was needing it
And I gave attention to the TV that was bleeding
That's how I learned how to survive

I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun when you're with me I love it
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when it's love if its not rough it isn't fun, fun

Can't read my
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
She's got to love nobody
Can't read my
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
She's got to love nobody

And we totally ripped off some chick named Lady Gaga
The greatest artist of our generation
And I showed you I could lie through my teeth
That's how we learned how to survive

And I give a thank you to my father for not raising me
And I give a finger to my step father for beating me
And I give props to myself for achieving
God damn, I'm glad that I survived
Holy shit, I am surprised I survived

And I just handed you a giant load of gibberish
And I give love to a lover quite deserving of it
And I give thanks to all of you for listening to the
Story of how we learned how to survive.
Track Name: The Maximum Tempo
*chatter about swine flu shots*

MAXIUM TEMPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooahOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Track Name: The Cosmic Scrotalizer
“Don't deny my power. I bring light to everyone. Now you will all see that it is I that am truly God. Right before I kick you in your fucking balls.”

“flattery will not save your balls from getting pulverized to atoms, fool!”

“I crush the balls of man because it destroys their will like a beaten puppie ,and i fuck the vag of women because i am an ultimate man and they need my thrusting agility.
i will pound a puss with a turd too.”

“chinese people should kick each other in the nuts more often. it's funny when they scream oooooooooooo! real loud”

"I am the only master that is.
Bow to the Scrotalizer NOW. NOW. NOW."

“If you get kicked in the nuts in texas i hear that they electricute your mother because she raised a goddamn pussy”

“the bear cowers on the ground and i decend from the skies like zarathustra to kill them both with a galactic frog punch to the bags of balls then i laugh like a pincher bug”

“This is an incredible cavalcade of ball destruction and frog punching. I will have you for my pet when i destroy the earth and use the moon as my lunar outhouse
my shit is brown so i will change its color”

"Prepare your scrote for oblivion"

"I am the only master that is.
Bow to the Scrotalizer NOW. NOW. NOW."

“would like to read a poem here it goes

there are stars in the sky

there are stars in her eyes 

there are ballsacks out there about to pay the price

when i think of all the stupid rules

that humans follow like fools

i stop rhyming in this poem because

I AM THE SCROTALIZER AND I DON'T HAVE TO RHYME FUCKERS

so there”

“Gaze upon the visage of the one who will destroy you.
Welcome my pet from the stars,

her dulcet tones will explode your balls
I have trained her in the ways of destruction
You will die now. 
You will all die at her hands
She is from a japanese colony on gralzag 7

The asians have kept her secret

Prepare for incredible doom.”
“No one is fooled by your puerile attempt to malign my character. when you gaze upon the countenance of the scrotalizer, you will understand this. prepare to be destroyed, you impudent fool!”

“I know it is the job of all earthlings to love my scratchings. Except for vanilla ice. Fuck that guy.”

“it is late at night here on planet earth. the scrotalizer wonders where all these kids came from. they have an unhealthy fascination with the scrotalizer. the women will be saved, and will live forever in the golden light under the scrotalizers kingly gaze, but the men will be
 SCROTALIZED.”

"I am the only master that is.
Bow to the Scrotalizer NOW. NOW. NOW."
Track Name: The Legend of The Skypickle
Trekkin' thru the desert to the Mountain of Magic
Hoping that day wouldn't end with something tragic
This journey happens but once a year
Today we would all be Pickle Pioneers

Got in half price with a can of coke
Now I've only got a twenty, god damn I'm broke
We came to see the Aquabats, in the early evening
And you know damn well we were all believening

...in the pickle...skypickle
Skypickle! Fly away!
You will see the light of another day

We tried out the brand new Terminator ride
It was really good...just kidding, I lied
They say that Superman has zero gravity
And we all felt the need for some pickle depravity

We walked on to the pickle stand
Everything was going as planned
The pickle cost three damn bucks
You could say we didn't give 3 fucks

...about the pickle...skypickle
Skypickle! Fly away!
You will see the light of another day

The ride launched
I held the pickle high
As it was off on its journey
Into the sky...
Track Name: The David Lynch Song
Everybody’s goin mad
Every Sunday of the week
Everybody’s lookin rad
With their green highlights

And you’re not that great
When you open your mouth
And you’re not that hot
When I think aloud

Hurry now Hurry now
There’s bright lights in the sky
Hurry now Hurry now
I got four kinds of red

I don’t need to explain
When I’m on medication
I don’t need to breathe
When I’m hiding underground

And you’re not that great
When you open your mouth
And you’re not that hot
When I think aloud

Hurry now Hurry now
My head’s on fire laugh out loud
Hurry now Hurry now
I’m dying in reverse motion
Track Name: The My Hair
Set my alarm, to wake me at eleven,
The sun was shining in my face when I awoken.
My mom yelled at me that my friend was here at seven,
I just rolled over, prayed that I was dreaming.
I knew I wasn't when my dog bit me on my nose.
Crawled out of bed, slipped and fell down on my head.
I ran downstairs, saw my friend was standing there,
Looked in the mirror, saw my hair was everywhere.

You talk talk, you talk about the future.
How you think that it's funny if they've got no brain.
Doesn't matter if they've got no hair.
Doesn't matter if they look like yarn Look like yarn look like yarn

Alex! I thought we had a deal:
You cut your hair and I go out with you.
You didn't cut your hair! I'm gonna go out with my grandmother.
She's dead, Alex, I'm gonna dig her up and go out with her.
Go! I'm outta here!

You talk talk, you talk about the future.
How you think that it's funny if they've got no brain.
Doesn't matter if they've got no hair.
Doesn't matter if they look like yarn Look like yarn look like yarn

Lalalalala

Went back upstairs, and looked into my mirror.
In my reflection, I saw it so much clearer.
I didn't know, that I was so ugly,
If it was dark in Central Park no one would even mug me.

You talk talk, you talk about the future.
How you think that it's funny if they've got no brain.
Doesn't matter if they've got no hair.
Doesn't matter if they look like yarn Look like yarn look like yarn
Track Name: The Ballad of Gary
I go in vault 108 from outside
It seemed like a nice little place to hide
I open some doors, and to my surprise
I see a couple of similar guys
The vault tec. computer answers my inquiry
This place here has a cloning facility
I wander back to those curious men
Hoping they’ll want to be my friends
We’ll share nuka colas, and start our own town
Once I get my rad levels down

I see their blue suits, and walk down the hall
His mouth opens up as he lets out a call
The blood on these vault doors made quite me wary
Echoed in a dark brown voice he spoke “Gary”

*gary* *gaaaary*

He came at me with a crudely shaped knife
Gary one had a gun and I feared for my life
The Gary’s swarmed me like a pack of rats
So I pulled out my gun and then entered vats

*gary* *gaaaary*

I didn’t want to kill you man
That didn’t work into my master plan
I stare at the pile of bodies and sigh
You seemed like a kinda alright guy

Why….

*Gary*
Track Name: The Summer Nights
[Alex]
Summer lovin' had me a blast

[Max]
Summer lovin' happened so fast

[Alex]
I met a fembot crazy for me

[Max]
Met a boy cute as can be

[Both]
Summer days driftin' away, to uh-oh those summer nights

[Everyone]
Uh Well-a well-a well-a huh

[d00dz]
Tell me more, tell me more
Did she play any games?

[Robots]
Tell me more, tell me more
does he have a mainframe?

[Alex]
She flew by me, she shorted out

[Max]
That foolish human started to shout

[Alex]
I saved her life, she nearly crashed

[Max]
When he kissed me, my lights started to flash

[Both]
Summer sun, something's begun, but uh-oh those summer nights

[Everyone]
Uh well-a well-a well-a huh

[Robots]
Tell me more, tell me more
Was it love at first sight?

[d00dz]
Tell me more, tell me more
Did she put up a fight?

[Everyone]
Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh

[Alex]
We went out, it was worthwhile

[Max]
We consumed, huge data files

[Alex]
We made out in R & D

[Max]
Then we went on a killing spree

[Both]
Summer fling, don't mean a thing, but uh-oh those summer nights

[Everyone]
Uh well-a well-a well-a huh

[d00dz]
Tell me more, tell me more
But you don't gotta brag

[Robots]
Tell me more, tell me more
Cuz he sounds like a fag

[Everyone]
shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop,shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, YEAH

[Max]
He got friendly, polished my chassis

[Alex]
The stuff we did, wasn’t too classy

[Max]
He was sweet, just turned eighteen

[Alex]
She was one, well built machine

[Max]
Woah!

[Both]
Summer heat, boy and girl meet, but uh-oh those summer nights

[Everyone]
woah, woah, woah

[Robots]
Tell me more, tell me more
Tell me tell me, what’s his I.Q.?

[d00dz]
Tell me more, tell me more

[Evan]
did you guys screw?

[Max]
He turned colder – started to smell

[Alex]
I said I’ll see you, in robot hell

[Max]
To let him live, I could not allow

[Alex]
Wonder who she's killing now

[Both]
Human brains ripped at the seams,
bu-ut oh, those su-ummer nights....

[Everyone]
Tell me more, tell me more! TELL ME MOOOOOOOOORE!